How Do You Make a Good Icebreaker Question?

Is THIS one of the Best Icebreaker Questions?

I shared this story in an earlier post, but it’s worthy of retelling because it illustrates the power of a good question.

Imagine a speed dating event.

Maybe you’ve been a part of one or not, but to paint the picture: Imagine two concentric circles, one group of people sitting on the inside facing out, and another circle of people sitting down facing in.

Everyone has a partner and they all have five minutes to speak with each other before moving onto the next person.

Now, it’s speed dating, so it’s all about impressing the other person. So you can just imagine what the conversation looks and sounds like.

The story goes that everyone spends their five minutes talking about themselves and impressing the other person. Except… for one person.

This one person asks every person they meet one critical, simple question:

“What can I do to make you happy for the rest of your life?”

Pow!

Imagine being asked that question. It’s no surprise that every single person in the room gave that person a thumbs up.

1. Start Small

Key element number one, start small. Don’t, you know, use a sledgehammer with that first question.

Chip away at the ice small bits at a time. And to that end, start with pairs. As I often say, it’s really hard to be left out of a pair.

So if you start with just one other person, you may or may not know them. You’re more likely to encourage a response when there’s only one other person listening rather than standing in front of a large group and expecting someone to respond in front of everybody else. To that end, kick off with a simple question, something that’s interesting to that person.

For example, what is stuck to your refrigerator door? It’s not particularly threatening, it could be a bit of fun, and it just opens up a little bit of vulnerability that helps that ice get broken. And then, of course, as the program develops or comfort increases, you can ask more self-reflective or deeper questions.

3. Honour Choice

Again, when you’re designing any sort of question, provide lots of scope for responses. That is to say that when you’ve asked the question, or you’re inviting people to ask each other those questions, have them understand that we should always honour their choice.

For example, often when I describe these sharing opportunities, I’ll demonstrate it and specifically explain that my partner can respond any way they choose, which of course means they don’t have to respond at all. They could respond in a creative way, a dramatic way, a funny way, or if they’re not quite sure yet, they might actually ask their partner to go first, thinking that maybe the time runs out and therefore they don’t have to share. Notice that I’ve provided an opportunity for choice here.

So honour choice is one of the most powerful philosophical frameworks that I have developed and applied as an approach to my work over many, many years now. And it applies to the questions that you ask as an icebreaker as well.