So you’ve asked your group to pick a partner so that you can form smaller teams and… they immediately make a beeline to their best friends.
I get it, this frustrates me too.
But what if I told you there are lots of fun and engaging ways that you can use to form small groups of two people or pairs or partners and you don’t have to use the same old same old?
Well, that’s exactly what I intend to share with you.
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So you have an activity that you need partners for, pairs, groups of two people, and so the natural inclination is to say, hey, “Pick a partner.”
However, while I didn’t know this at the time as a primary or elementary school student, I can remember Mr. Graham, my PE teacher at school, and one of the most frightening things he ever said to me in the class was this, not that we had to do tumble turns and somersaults and all that other stuff, I was never particularly good at that.
The most frightening thing he ever did was when he said, “Pick a partner.”
Because when he said pick a partner, what I actually heard him say was, find someone you like or are like. You know what happens next.
You ask for people to pick a partner and they naturally go to their friends, and that’s just really natural. There’s actually nothing inherently wrong with that because as humans, we are comfort-seeking machines.
But if you’re in the business of building connections, then the way you go about most things should always be about helping that process along.
So, if your group is pretty new to each other or completely new to each other, then picking a partner can be an intimidating experience for people.
So I want you to consider different ways of doing it. The key is that the stronger you form the relationships of your group, the more it’s going to amplify whatever you’re trying to get done.
And here’s the bonus – that not only do you form those pairs, but you also build those relationships.
So why rely on the old traditional ways of forming pairs when you could find something that’s fun and engaging?
Below, I’m going to share with you some hot principles, but very shortly, I’ve got 10, 15, 20 or more different ways, fun and engaging ways that you can form pairs.
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When I think of hot principles when it comes to forming pairs, there’s a couple of things I would like you to keep in mind.
You know, that has got to be your most powerful magnet to attract engagement because if you’re meeting resistance even before you’ve done the activity by simply forming a pair, you’ve got a real problem. So make it fun and I’ve got some great ways to show you how to do that in just a few moments.
The other part is that I want you to take a leaf out of what I call the Play to Grow framework. This is the first three steps of a five-step model that I use liberally throughout all the programs that I run. So it starts with the play.
You want to find ways in which it’s something that’s attractive. It’s fun. It’s something people don’t want to stand away from. So play is the first step.
The next step is to invite interaction.
You’ll notice that sometimes I might use a variety of these techniques before I settle on one that is the one that I want to use for the next activity.
The third step is to invite sharing. Don’t miss the opportunity that you’ve found this random person to connect with and get to know them a little bit better.
You know, form a connection, build that relationship, and the more often you do that, you’ll notice the stronger the bonds that occur within your group.
Okay, get ready.
Here they come. 10, 15, 20 or more fun and engaging ways to break your large group into groups of two people, pairs or partnerships.
There is just so many different ways. So I’m going to give them in lots of different categories.
Let’s start with COLOUR.
It could be the colour of the top they’re wearing, the colour of their eyes, the colour of their hair, the colour of their shoes or any other part. Maybe something they’re holding. They provide immediate opportunities to break up clicks but also find a random partner.
You could also find SHOES.
Just the type of shoe, how it’s used, how many holes are in, how much money you spent on it. Also the sole of your shoe.
It’s really interesting. We don’t often spend any time looking at the soles of someone’s shoe but when you start focusing on that and you focus on someone else’s sole, then you’re looking for someone that has a similar pattern to you. Again, a random but fun way that would engage a group to find a random partner.
JEWELLRY. Find someone else with a similar type of jewellery to you or maybe on the same arm or ear. It could be some other adornment like a tattoo or no tattoo.
The number of TATTOOS. That could be a way that you could find a partner.
BIRTH. Oh my goodness, there’s so many different ways here. It could be the birth month, their birth date, the year. What about the zodiac sign? Where in the world you were born? Perhaps the town, the state, the country. They are all opportunities for finding a random partner.
What about HAIR? Oh my goodness, it could be the length of the hair, the colour of the hair as we’ve mentioned already. Is it flat or is it curly? Maybe you’ve got no hair.
They are again a very obvious way to find a partner.
Oh, this next option, there’s just limitless ways. I call it the FAVOURITES.
What’s your favourite book or your favourite genre of book or movie? There are just so many different options. What’s your favourite breakfast cereal, your favourite hot beverage, cold beverage, favourite holiday destination? You name it. Again, not only are these opportunities to find someone that you connect with and that’s so critical when you’re building relations with people because you are finding something you have in common.
That is one of the first steps towards actually building a relationship and helping people feel more comfortable. And when it starts with something that’s your favourite, more often than not, it’s something that you’re quite willing to share with somebody else. Favourites is a very, very long list.
You’ll never run out of ideas using that as a technique to form random partners.
NUMBERS. Oh my goodness, everyone’s got a mobile phone or a cell phone these days.
So find someone else with the same last digit as you or their street address. I live at number 13. Find someone else in the teens or has the last number the same as you.
Social security number, credit card number. Okay, maybe you don’t want to share that information, but all you’re sharing is the last digit. And honestly, they can make it up.
It does not matter that you’ve invited forms of interaction with other people as you’re looking for others that you have something in common with. Having a little bit of fun and it’s more than likely something they’ve not done before to find a partner. Again, we’re comparing it to the standard pick a partner and everyone finds their friend.
All right, we’re way past 20 ideas now, but let’s go for one more. And this would be FINGERS. Place your hands behind your back.
It could be two hands. It could be just the one hand. And then on go, simply extend a certain number of fingers on your hand and look for someone with the same number of fingers that are exposed.
So in this case, I’d be looking for someone that has six fingers extended. But if I’m using one hand, it might be just four fingers. Again, as you will have heard through other parts of the content that I share, you’re always honouring choice.
So a question you might have is, well, how do you police that the person who has just joined a partnership actually had the same number? You can’t. You’ll never be able to do that. And there will always, always, always, if people actually follow the rules, it may not actually work out that everyone finds a partner.
One of my last-minute tips is to simply ask people who are still looking for a partner to raise their hand and anyone in the room that you can look around and see has their hand raised can be an eligible partner for you.
Now, if you’re concerned, they might still just go to their friend. You might also frame it as find someone that perhaps you haven’t paired with yet.
So try these out. There is no shortage of different ways you can form fun and engaging ways to get a partner for your activity.
And once you’ve got that partnership and maybe you’ve done a couple of these, you’re now ready to launch into the activity you needed those groups of two people for.
So now I’ve got an invitation for you.
What’s one of your favourite ways of engaging a group to find a random partner?
I’d love to know, but here’s the other bonus that when you add it to the comments down below. You’re actually sharing it with the collective wisdom of the whole world of practitioners who love group games and activities just as much as you do.
And by sharing it, you’re actually just adding more value to everybody else. And maybe the next person who watches this video will learn from you.
So scoot down, add your own comment.
And here’s my promise – I will respond to every single comment. I’ll add it to my list. I’ll beg and borrow and steal from you and all others, but I might also add something that you haven’t thought of that would make that technique even better.
If you love group games and activities and are responsible for the well-being of your group, then these are going to be your best friends.
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Original post July 2024, last updated December 2024.
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I haven’t tried this, but as I was listening, an idea came to mind:
Play a selection of short music clips (or just some music) and have people move around the room in a way that reflects how the music makes them feel .
When the music stops (hopefully they will be well shuffled in the space by then), partner with the person who is physically closest to them.
I like it because it gets people physically active, listening, and expressing themselves, while also moving them away from the people they were sitting with at first.
Terrific idea, Beth. To be sure you get a good mix, I would also add that each time a pair is formed, it must be with a new person, ie to prevent friends from seeking one another out.
It’s more than clear that these proposals have huge advantages over simply choosing somebody you already know well. You learn so much when you have an uninhibited chat with people about their careers, their ambitions, their hobbies, the personal qualities they admire, some of the simple pleasures they enjoy, and some of the difficult issues facing today’s society that are of concern to them. We all have a tendency to assume that others are far stronger and capable than we are. Chats with others quickly reveal how much others share our feelings and anxieties – we all have our strengths and weaknesses and we all make mistakes and hopefully learn from them. As these suggestions emphasize, the important thing is that opening up with other people and sharing thoughts with them should be a fun experience. Laughter will always be the most potent ingredient to encourage effective communication skills, enthusiasm, self-belief – and confidence within open discussion situations. I find these group activity ideas super helpful.
Thanks so much for your thorough contribution Graham, I love it. And you’re so right – making whatever you do fun is the key to helping any strategy be effective.
A pleasure Mark – I am sure there will be a substantial response to your practical suggestions and ideas – all of them convincingly argued and very well presented.